The Sex Catch, Balancing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex carries immense meaning and consequences.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready as well).

B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the chance to have sex with someone we are brought in to exceptionally tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , causing effective feelings of destination, excitement, closeness, love, and well-being .

However when problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is great!" They most likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as this content optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that many of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys especially in cities, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sex. Lots of gay males wish to learn from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".

Nevertheless, North adds, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is important. Yet, chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow over time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, objectives, and worths -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!

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