The Intimacy Lure, Balancing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex brings immense significance and consequences.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).

B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other individual may be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes look at these guys the opportunity to make love with someone we are drawn in to extremely tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are strong and involuntary , causing powerful sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, closeness, and wellness .

But when problems occur, those who fall under the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is terrific!" They more than likely wouldn't admit it, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that a lot of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys specifically in cities, sex is readily available, and that hop over to here in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. Many gay guys wish to discover from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".

North adds, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow over time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, values, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!

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